


What Makes A House A Home?

by LilyAnson



Series: Writer's Block [10]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Home, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 09:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: In his final few moments Nick ponders how his life turned out this way.*spoilers up to season 3 episode 3*





	What Makes A House A Home?

His only excuse is it’s far too big. Initially when they’d bought the house they’d planned on having a family. At least three kids Helen had said. But thinking about Helen hurts so he tried not to do that too much. Instead he throws himself into his work and tries to forget there was ever a time when he was married. Then Stephen started showing up. 

_“Girlfriend broke up with me and I didn’t really have anywhere to go,” Stephen had said._

So Nick let him stay. Temporarily of course. It’s just that somewhere along the way temporarily got lost and lines got blurred. So Stephen stayed.

Then there was Connor. 

_“It’ll only be a few days mate. Promise.”_

It really hadn’t. Somehow Nick didn’t have that much of an issue with it. He should have, he realized but it seemed to help fill out the house. The second Connor saw Stephen and him making out in a hallway Nick panicked. Then Connor had asked if they still had milk and everything had continued on as normal. Well, as normal as their days ever were.

Then there was Helen.

He really should have been mad. 

The one person he’d trusted and let himself fall for after Helen’s supposed death had also fucked her. How was he supposed to handle that? So Stephen had left and the house had felt empty. It was somehow too big again. Connor tried, he really did. It’s just, without someone to look after Nick didn’t know what to do with himself. He threw himself into looking after Connor but he had Abby and those two didn’t really need any help. Well, they did, just not anything he could provide. And so Abby had moved in. There was talk about being kicked out of her flat and such but in all honesty Nick didn’t care. All he knew was there was hole that needed filling.

And then there was Stephen. Again. 

He knew he should have slammed the door in his face but he hadn’t. For some reason he’d held the door open and Stephen had entered. Head down, eyes never leaving the floor, he’d walked to the sitting room and dropped into the chair he normally used. Abby walked in, stared for a few seconds, and handed Stephen her cup of tea. Nick didn’t have the heart to kick him out a second time.

_“For what it’s worth I’m sorry,” Stephen muttered._

It had taken work but somehow they’d managed to muddle through it.

It almost seemed as if the house was finally full except he knew there was still something missing. And then there was Claudia. He didn’t know what to do. After Helen he never thought he’d care for another again. After Stephen he wasn’t sure he could ever trust again. But somehow he couldn’t ignore what he felt for her. The problem was he had never cheated on anyone in his life. How could he ever have a relationship with her while he was still technically with Stephen? 

_“You deserve to be happy,” Stephen told him._

_“I am happy with you. I don’t understand it but I am happy,” Nick argued._

_“But you also want her,” Stephen countered._

And so Claudia had moved in.

After Claudia disappeared Nick retreated once again. He recognized that the others tried their best to help but there wasn’t really much they could do. He knew his faults. He drank too much, he refused to let others in, he allowed himself to wallow in his pain. The problem was the others wouldn’t let him. He should tell them how much he appreciated their efforts but he just couldn’t force himself to do it.

The door to the guest room he usually used opened and he couldn’t even force himself to look. After several moments of silence the bed dipped and an arm draped itself over him. Thin. Light. Vastly too white. Abby, his brain informed him. As he was still trying to puzzle out why she would want to comfort him the bed dipped again.

_“You’re not alone, you know?” Connor stated._

_“Whatever you need, we’re here,” Stephen told him. “Anything.”_

And so, somehow, Nick muddled through his depression. He didn’t know how he’d managed to find such amazing people but he was glad. In spite of everything they refused to leave him. He really wasn’t worth the effort, he knew that. Still they refused to leave. 

And then there was Jenny.

God he didn’t know what to do about her. She was so much like Claudia and yet so vastly different. He still had Stephen but he still felt broken. Like something was missing. He couldn’t do this again. There was no way he’d survive being hurt again. He slammed the door to his room, the one room no one else ever entered without his permission and pressed himself into a corner. Slowly he dropped to the ground and huddled in on himself. There was a knock on the door but he ignored it. He knew he wasn’t fit for being around the others. They should just leave and let him wallow in his misery. 

_“Nick?”_

Stephen, Nick realized. If any of them should be the first to leave it should be him.

_“Maybe we should just open the door.”_

Connor. So he’d come to check up on him too. The only way this could be worse would be if-

_“We promised we wouldn’t.”_

Of course. His shame wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t also let Abby down as well.

_“Nick?”_ Abby called out. _“We’re not going to open the door but can you at least let us know if you’re okay?”_

He wanted to tell them everything was fine. He wanted to reassure them so they didn’t worry but he just couldn’t find the words. Suddenly the door opened. Nick squeezed his eyes shut and refused to look. There was a loud noise he couldn’t immediately identify and yet he still refused to look. He sensed someone standing near him and wondered who it was. There were several seconds of silence before the person spoke.

_“They promised not to enter. I didn’t.”_

Jenny? Nick looked up and opened his eyes instantly. Of course it’d be her. He finally realized the noise he’d heard had been the clicking of her heels on the hardwood floor. Glancing back to the door he spied the others standing in the doorframe and looking concerned. That’s when he knew he was lost. And so Jenny had moved in.

He expected Stephen to be hurt. Or angry. Or something. If anything Stephen seemed even happier. Nick never bothered to question it. If those he cared for were happy then why would he? Connor and Abby still weren’t together but there was still time enough for that to happen eventually. And even if the house didn’t feel completely full at least it felt better. He realized if that was the best he could get then he could definitely live with that.

That was until they lost Stephen.

Nothing could have prepared him for losing Stephen. As much as he’d mourned Helen’s supposed death in all honesty they hadn’t been particularly close by then. Stephen, on the other hand, had managed to break through all of Nick’s defenses and wormed his way into his heart. After they’d included Jenny in… whatever their relationship could be called he’d never hidden away in his room. He’d never really had a reason. Until now. Just as the house was finally starting to seem a little less empty he’d lost yet another person he cared for. 

_“Nick? Nick please open the door.”_

Abby. Shaking his head he refused to answer. God he couldn’t do this again. Helen, Claudia, Stephen… It was almost as if the universe had decided he could never have happiness. He didn’t generally believe in fate but at this point it was getting harder to deny. 

_“Nick?”_

Connor. He pressed his palms into his eyes. He really needed to kick them out. He couldn’t stand the idea that he might lose one of them next. If he lost Abby, Connor or Jenny he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand it. If he pushed them away now it would hurt but maybe not as bad as if he let them stay. Stephen had just been the last in an ever growing list of people he’d lost. Stephen had too much to live for it should have been him instead.

_“Nick, open this door right now.”_

Jenny. If there was one of them he wasn’t prepared to face right now it was her. Still, he stood and made his way over to the door. As much as he wanted to push them away so he didn’t get hurt again he couldn’t. The house was already too empty. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing yet another person so soon. The second he opened the door the three of them swarmed him. Three pairs of arms wrapped around him and refused to let go. No. There was absolutely no way he could kick them out no matter how much it might hurt later.

And then there was Becker. 

At first he didn’t know what to make of Becker. He wanted to hate the man but for some reason he couldn’t. Every time he saw the man he was reminded of those he’d failed. Becker, however, was more than capable of taking care of himself. Nick allowed himself to hope that maybe things wouldn’t end so badly this time. It still took some time before he truly accepted the man as part of the team. It was an even longer time before he ever asked the man to come over to the house for a visit. When Becker showed up at the house the others stared at him briefly before turning to each other. Nick felt it as well. It was as if a puzzle piece had just fallen into place. 

Finally things actually felt… right. While it wasn’t perfect at least the house no longer felt quite so empty. For the first time in a long time he began to hope. Maybe they weren’t perfect but whatever it was they had worked for them. In retrospect he should have known better. And maybe on some level he had. Still what little time they’d actually gotten had been nice while it had lasted. He felt himself slipping into unconsciousness and was almost happy. At least he wouldn’t have to feel this pain any longer. 

Over the noise of the building collapsing around him he almost thought he could hear someone calling out his name. Unless he was very mistaken, it sounded quite a lot like Connor’s voice. Connor was good. He would need someone to examine the artifact and Connor would be perfect for the job. Slowly he pulled himself across the floor until he could find something to lean against. 

“Cutter? Cutter.”

Prying his eyes open Nick turned his head towards the sound of Connor’s voice.

“Connor,” Cutter whispered attempting a smile. He should have known Connor would have come back for him. “Good man.”

“You hold on,” Connor told him. “I'm going to take you out.”

Unable to stop it Nick cried out in pain as Connor grabbed onto his arm and started to lift him. 

“Sorry,” Connor said as he released Nick’s arm.

“Don't… Don't do that.”

“Sorry.”

“It's okay… Just… sit with me. All right?” 

“Okay,” Connor whispered as he moved to sit beside Nick.

“This… This matters,” Nick told Connor as he struggled to lift the artifact. “I don't know why… but it does,” he informed Connor, trying to stress the importance of this. “So you have to find out what it means, okay?” He placed the artifact in Connor’s hands. 

“Okay.”

“It's on you now.”

“No,” Connor dissented, shaking his head. “No. We can do this together. We've always done it together.”

“No… Not this time,” Nick disagreed. As much as he would love to be able spend time working on this puzzle with Connor he knew he wouldn’t be able. At least the pain was starting to subside as he was beginning to fade. His thoughts drifted to his de facto family. As much as he wished he could talk them all once more he knew there wasn’t time. He was positive that they would already know how he felt about them. Honestly, there was only one person he wished he could talk to again. “Tell… Tell Claudia Brown… Never mind. It doesn't matter.”


End file.
